I’ve been pretty public on here about my diagnosis of Jacob’s disease (XYY syndrome).
The problem with going public about a genetic “disorder”, a disability, or anything that limits you, people attach that to your identity.
Now all they see is Jacob’s.
“He’s acting like that because of Jacob’s.”
“He’s behaving this way towards this person because of Jacob’s.”
“He’s feeling this way only because of Jacob’s.”
“Whatever pain is being expressed, don’t take it seriously. He’s unstable.”
These quotes are examples of what’s being communicated to me through actions.
Imagine expressing discomfort and pain only to be dismissed and told to step away while the problems you expressed and gave light to went unaddressed. They shouldn’t be surprised to hear that I’ve walked away. I’ve seen all I need to know.
It makes me think maybe I never should have told anyone at all.
But It’s a Part of me, So I decided to share.
But it’s not all of me.
I was riding higher than I’ve ever been just a few months ago. Do you think I just fell off because I came forward with my disorder?
Isn’t it possible that other factors could have contributed to this tough season I find myself in?
Did Jacob’s just suddenly dehumanize me when you all found out about it?
Can I still not be wronged, hurt, or wounded?
Can I still experience normal human emotions, or am I just a science experiment gone wrong to you?
Am I not allowed to struggle?
Is every action or move that I make or don’t make now invalidated/not taken seriously/overly scrutinized because of my genetic makeup?
It sure feels like it.
I’m more than Jacob’s.
Even if you don’t see it.
So I can admit I’m having a tough year. And it’s not because of Jacob’s.
Jacob’s just makes things worse; to keep it simple.
Is that so hard to comprehend?
KnowYouWill 